Jan. 8, 2007.

Dear _______,

Awoke to find
much to my chagrin
a large black cloud
hanging overhead.

No, I'm not kidding this time.

Mayor Bloomberg says
it's harmless.
"We aren't sure of the
exact nature
of the gas, but
we know -"
(they KNOW!)
"that it's not harmful."

Not harmful.
Does that make it harmless?
Or does it sit in some undecided realm
baking my anxiety
until we fix it down
one way or another
until eventually
it pops off again?

On cnn.com, another headline:
"FREEZER FULL OF OWLS MAY REVEAL SECRET OF DEATH."

For a moment, I am excited.

Then I realize,
it's not that, silly.
Just the secret
of the deaths
of a copious amount of birds
in Texas. They just
started dropping out of the
sky like frogs or
snowflakes.

As for us,
our own end
remains uncertain
and mysterious.
If birth is where we are separated,
as Bataille wrote,
perhaps in death we find
unity
once more.

Sifting through the photos
of our last vacation
as I can't help but be affronted by
(in my own head)
Abu Ghraib
Guantanamo
(and who knows how many others)

Bush on the screen
demanding more troops
more funding
and the Democrats
unwilling to say no
one party
under the dollar
when money is on the line
we all take a bow.

Looking at the cloud
outside my window
enveloping the Village and
rushing ever-closer -

wondering if
you'll make it home tonight.
And if not, where
and with whom
you'll sleep
while I wait up for you
until
five?
Six?
How much credit can you really demand,
at this point?

Are you on the subway
with a bomber nearby?
Or out on Bleecker street,
breathing poisonous gas?

Or are you just
sitting in the cafe
maybe shopping
looking at a billboard, even
while the march plays
in the background.

4:30 in the morning
I was looking at an empty bed
an empty kitchen
thinking,
"where is Homeland Security
when I need it?
Where is George W. Bush
where are the men and women of the Armed Forces
when I need to be protected
from a real threat?
Is she cheating on me
with Osama bin Laden?
Perhaps, then, I can pull some weight."

But perhaps you're not even cheating at all.
When you have enough things to worry about
eventually the rest becomes assumed
the anxiety is eased
when you just bow down to it
like a row of dominoes
one falling after another
or a country
falling down
welcoming their saviors, their liberators.

I'm on the subway and
thinking of you as we pass
28th street.
It's an express.
Is she in Bryant Park?
Or has it been closed
since that suitcase there tested positive
for C4?
Or was it even C4?
Wasn't it just a bag filled with sprinkler parts?

Sitting in Balthazar
at 1 PM today
I ate a Croque Monsieur
as I read about
children in Texas classrooms
huddling to stay away from the
ethylenediamine
it could burn their skin and
irritate their lungs
cause serious and perhaps permanent
damage to the
liver
and
kidneys.

All this is going on in Sugar Land.
I put some Sweet 'n Low into my coffee.
Sweet, yes.
And oh so low.
Nothing seems Equal here.

The land of sugar, the land of milk and honey
the Song of Songs and the shortage of money
everyone's laughing but nothing seems funny
tomorrow's weather: everything looks sunny.